Whatever age you start dating (again), there is always a certain tension in it. If you are very young, it could be your very first date and everything is new and fresh and it is often your hormones that control everything. But when you get older and you start dating again, there’s something exciting about that. Different from that very first date, but still. What should you pay attention to and when will the next date occur?
Introduction
Relatively few people are completely free in the sense of being able to talk about everything easily. From feelings to what you are and are not looking for in someone, whether you are attracted to someone or not. We make quite a few itinerant movements and do not want to immediately disappoint the other party in the event of a negative outcome (especially if the other party sees it differently).
Is that good? Well, it’s not about making a value judgement, it’s about whether you feel good (or not) about what you do or say.
Dating and not showing enough of yourself doesn’t make any progress and yet there are quite a few people who hold the boat back. But to find out whether there is a chance of a follow-up appointment that will make both parties happy, you really have to show yourself and that goes beyond nice clothes and a well-fitting hairstyle. Which is a clincher for many, if there is absolutely no sexual attraction. A buddy/friend is one thing, but a life partner goes a little further and that’s just part of sexuality.
Show the back of your tongue
You don’t have to reveal anything straight away, but if you want to get a feel for the other person, you have to know more than what someone does for a living and what their hobbies are. This also applies to the other person and soon something comes around the corner that really warms your heart. Think about things like:
- What are your personal core values in life?
- What do you find important in life?
- How do you view life?
- What are you looking for in a partner anyway?
- What are absolute killers?
It is not about immediately putting someone along your “personal list” and dropping it if the other person does not exactly meet it. What matters is that there is a feeling that someone else can do something with it, that it appeals or at least brings about some (positive) recognition. This also applies the other way around, because to get further than the profession and hobby, it is good to reflect some of your core.
How do you position yourself?
It may sound quite bombastic, but how do you start a new date, or how do you position yourself? This has to do with a shield that you have in front of you until the moment that the other person makes an effort (in a positive way) to get through this. What can also happen of course is that you do not feel comfortable or the other person does not make enough effort and the shield is raised. Have a nice evening or afternoon and say goodbye.
But you can also go into a date with I’ll see. You make no special effort, but enter the date as you are. There is something to be said for that, while the other person might prefer that you put in some effort. Or you go completely crazy during your date and throw your whole heart and soul on the table. It sounds like that is not attractive, but there are people who use the principle that it is better to know right away.
To make concessions or not?
What you choose depends on the person you are and how you approach life. Are you looking for a buddy/friend and is sexual attraction included or is the latter an essential part? Or maybe you are very desperate for that new partner and you (unconsciously) make concessions.
Apart from the well-known give and take that always plays a role, there is also such a thing as putting yourself on the back burner. How do you value yourself in that case? Aren’t potential partners supposed to be equal? Ask yourself the questions to find out the answers and go into a date on a good note.
Finally
Dating is fun, enjoyable and perhaps also a bit exciting. But go into a date with yourself first and that you are looking for someone who can complement you. There is no substitute for it and so you should actually be fine with yourself. Moreover, you will then be more confident in life and a serious date will have a better chance of success.
